He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
