i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize