even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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