I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
