His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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