Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize