do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
