i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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