his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
