I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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