i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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