What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
