im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its not stalking. its research.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
