I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
