Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize