who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Two words: blizzard sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The adults are the big ones right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize