He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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