Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
