i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
