So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
