He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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