PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
