Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
