I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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