My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
