i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
