do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Are my feet made of real feet?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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