I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
