If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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