I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
