dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
