He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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