you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
