Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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