Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
