i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
