I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
