Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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