ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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