I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
