so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A bitchslap is in order.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
