Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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