my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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