the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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