he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
