i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
