I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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