Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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