I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
