You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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