I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
