I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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