2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
