whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize