your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
