There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
