Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
