If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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