my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize