Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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