I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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