ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
