Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
