were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
