i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
