weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
