Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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