Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
