She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
