Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize