Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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