She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
