Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love you. Go after that dick
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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