I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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