I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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