We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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