my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
