I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
