I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
