when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize