Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Boobs speak an international language.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
