her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
