I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize