Pappa wants mamma naked
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
