My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
