genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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