did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
