oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Bring me that man meat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
