She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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