Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
