whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
