Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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