On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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