3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Panties = found
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
