I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
