I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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