Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I bet he comes in French.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
