Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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