WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
