he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
