They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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