i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
