Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
