i just google imaged poop.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize