I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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