Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
