The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
