Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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