my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
