hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
