but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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