i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And my parents said I crawled through the house
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
